apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
