i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
