am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
