you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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