You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
