tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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