I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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