I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
two words: eviction party
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
