I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
