she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
