so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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