hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
