I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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