Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just threw up on my dentist
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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