My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
