i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
