how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
