maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
