Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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