you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
