dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
