DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
