what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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