he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
