I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
