xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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