I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
