No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
