and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
