This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
