dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
