Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
