Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
