i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
