handjob tips. give me some.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
