I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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