Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
