Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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