someone get that fucking seahorse.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
