At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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