Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
