so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
