I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
