i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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