his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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