I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
