Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
