mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
