is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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