i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
