I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
