she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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