So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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