We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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