I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need to sanitize my soul.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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