ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
