I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize