so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
