i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
