you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
