I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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