Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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