dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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