She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
