I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
