Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
