Betty ford says i'm here all night
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
