I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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